My Apologies

Sometimes I use this blog to process.  Yesterday's post is an example of that.  I hope no one that read it was offended by my words.  Every baby gives their parents anxiety and every parent worries the what ifs.  I'm not sure if you can tell but...

I'm scared.  Some moments I am so gripped by fear that it's ridiculous.  Often times, my brain seems to go "worst case scenario".  I'm so scared that I am going to make the wrong decision and that decision is going to end my baby's life.  (Seriously, the kid hiccups and I hold my breath. #getagripmom)

Before Isaiah was here, we researched OI as much as we could.  We got advice from experienced parents and grandparents.  There's much debate on overfeeding, what kind of pain meds are appropriate, tummy time....I am constantly thinking of that advice when something seems wrong and I question the decision we've made.

As most of you said through private messages, emails, and comments, we're doing great.  Basically...I need to chill the heck out.  :)

I'm a good an amazing mom.

Ya know, last week Isaiah spit up.  Afterwards, I was so scared that it didn't all come out.  I was so busy looking for something to be wrong, suction machine at the ready, that if it weren't for Dave, I would have missed the fact that Isaiah was babbling.  He was fine.  He was happy.

Dave is so good.  He analyzes.  He stays calm.  He's patient. He's sweet.  He's such an amazing dad.

He's often reminding me to close my eyes and take a breath.  We're both doing a phenomenal job in helping Isaiah grow stronger.  Isaiah is ok.

The above picture is from yesterday.  Isaiah spent the majority of yesterday (and all of last night) recovering and sleeping (and I bet his nurse was grateful for the easy night!).  His heart rate has been back to his normals.  It looks like Dr. Bober hit the nail on the head; we pulled too far back on the morphine too quickly so we've rewound and we'll ween slower.

While Isaiah was recovering yesterday, 2 people from Early Intervention came and did an evaluation on him (mostly through observation and questions for Dave and I).  Because of his disability, he automatically qualifies but they still needed to do their assessment on him.    He scored where I expected- at risk/eligible for the intervention because of his gross motor skills and because of the results of the hearing screenings he's had (he was down at the bottom of the grading scale for that one).

However, the evaluator did a test of her own...

Decide for yourself. I know I have. ;-)

A physical therapist will be coming to our home once a week starting as soon as they can get someone. He'll also be seeing an occupational therapist once a month.

The plan is to work on getting Isaiah off of his left side (I've already been working on that and seeing the benefits as he's been stretching his neck out beautifully and he's starting to put himself midline. Hooray progress!) and get him eating on his own (once it's approved by the doctor).  There's another goal but I'm blanking on it right now.  I know I smiled when she said it because it's something we've already been focusing on.

On another front, Isaiah's found a new best friend.

Obviously Dave and I approve. (Let the Disney obsession begin!!!)

Thank you so much to everyone who has sent me messages and comments.  I've read them all and am taking them to heart.  Your support is so wonderful; it honestly gives me strength and clarity when I am bogged down by my fears.  I need to breathe, trust myself, and relish in the fact that our baby is here, alive, and amazing.